8 more days to xmas
and i dunno if im happy or sad
cos when its near christmas. it simply near to your one year death anniversary
looking at the last few pictures i took with you before you passed on
i cant believe almost a year has past
i do miss you alot
every now and then i try my best to not think about u that much
because when i do.. i cant help but breakdown into tears
every after one whole year. it still feels somewhat impossible to believe that i will never see u again
or hold ur hand
or scold u anymore
sometimes i go to church
and i think of you asking my why m i always so cold when ur hands are always so warm
and on sundays or days when im free for lunch. u r still the first to pop out in my mind.
and
its so hard when i go shopping overseas because when i do.. you are one of the few people on top of my list to buy things for
its so hard at this time of the year because i would think of what u would like for ur xmas present
and when to organize a party to bring sean and all out together
but this year
some part of me still yearns to invite all the kids over
yet
i know. that things will be e different without you around

i always thought that when god closes a door. he will open a window for you
perhaps he never did close any doors of mine for a long long long time
but when he did
he closed them consecutively one after another.
francis closed his heart towards to family.
my mum n i tried my best to remain chirpy
partly because u were still there to help fill up some of the void francis left
so i thought. perhaps u were the window that god opened when he closed the door
but when u left us last year.
that was when i felt so lost
that now. god slammed the window he opened for me
and he slammed it shut forever
im not a very god person. but there is always faith when u have people whom u love and would like to protect and to pray that god will keep them safe and sound and full of joy

its not that im upset with my life
i may be a sadder person than i once was. with a great brother who was my best friend. with a great cousin who was like my best sister and friend and student.
with both taken away.. maybe some part of my joy was extracted from my life too
but its impossible to deny that.
in my life there are still many whom i love and who love me
my family. weihong.
there are friends that i treasure

but parts of one's life is akin to the pieces of a jigsaw
they are unique
and once that piece is lost
part of the picture that was once shown can never be seen again even when a new piece of jigsaw appears
its e same in everyone's life
life and death occur to every one and its gains n losses are experienced by all.

and for you.
marie jiejie takes a day off from work to pray that you will be happy wherever you are
may u look after your family and ur dear kuku always because i know how much they miss you
i can tell from the faces of your father or my mum. just how much they love u and pine for you.

we will always have a special part in our heart kept just for you <3 p="">