its no easy feat adhering strictly to rules
instead of emotions

how can a human ever void oneself of feelings
of empathy.
of forgiveness
of sympathy
of anger

impossible.

unless u r no social being.




when u r sitting in a cold quiet office.
trying to pass time by copying stuff
n trying so hard to not fall aslp
because all u have to do is sit there n NOT fall aslp
n wow. u get paid for doing that.
o well. thatz the negative side of it
guess many ppl would adore this sort of job where they get paid
n they r not really putting in much effort.. neither are they getting much satisfaction
or fulfillment.. 

bt 
im not one of these ppl

when i work. i need a goal. 
i need it to not just b interesting but to be meaningful/fulfilling too
even if its not meaningful at all
let there be some work to do so that i wont feel like
im wasting time n ppl's money..
to pay me to sit n do nothing
its such a waste... :(

bt still. this is just the beginning n all i can say is
to always hope for a better tomorrow.. 
or for today's context. a better tonight. cos its night shift. hahaha

sitting there let me realize how much more i want to achieve my dream of opening a bakery
a bakery that not just sells bread
but also to share the joy of food. of the scent of bread baking in the oven
n also to share some of the profits with the less fortunate.
it may all be a way too beautiful dream. 
but i know.
one day i will succeed.
=)


so hang in there!











just a random happy looking pinky pic! dedicated to mr lee wei hong! <3 font="font">














feel like buying so many things for myself
some dresses n tops
a new wallet
a nice new bag that is hardy n nice
a new pair of birks
...
bt yet. when i see the things. 
i decided to .. save $ n spend it elsewhere.













i think im getting depressed
even just after 4 days at work
its not the job.
its not the place
its just.. the ppl
why is it that of all teams. i have to go to this one
this team that is filled with individuals
individuals who can just walk pass u as though they dont know u.
n its not just to me. its just.. that
this is team is just SWAY-ly made up of ppl that couldnt care less about interacting with others

come to think of it again
dont exactly know wads so depressing
maybe its just the lack of social interaction
or even seeing ppl around the working area
that makes life mundane
lonely.
n upsetting.
if life lacked that social interaction between co-workers.
i pray that i be filled with many tasks to do each day
so that time passes quickly.
n i dont have that much spare time to look ard n seee
space.

at this exact moment.
i feel like.
QUITTING!

couldnt even find a motivational or inspirational quote to stick on my locker even after so many days..
:(
tried my best to talk to the other fellow workers. only to realize that.. they are not exactly unfriendly or what.
its just that. they r the type that can survive without talking. without having friends around them.
seriously
of all teams
why is it that my team is filled with so many of them.
as if a few isnt enough.

even after rollerblading.
i dont feel any much happier.

i hope that i will have enough positive and cheerful energy to allow me to survive for at least a yr till my bond expires.
or
that whatever is left of my positive energy can be rubbed unto the others.
or
that  new officers can come into the team n change the lousy or perhaps even, in-existent social circle.

SIGH.
tomorrow WILL be a better day.
if others are not pro-active. i hope i will b.
b4 my spirits r dampened by short yes/no replies.



signing off,
a miserable me who nv b4 felt so miserable at a job esp when i have only worked for 4 days.

so .. JIA YOU TO MYSELF! n a PAT ON MY bACK!
DONT GIVE UP!
n DONT B DEPRESSED MARIE ZHENG! =)
U CAN DO IT!