The alarm rings
and my eyes open
take a bathe, prepare for work
through the same route each day my car spins
even though im alive
it feels instead like each day is aligned
like a tape that goes on and on
a tape that is continuously rewound 

There's a limit to what i can change
be it the intrinsic or the extrinsic 
but a change is still a change
no more make up. no more eyeliner to work
to change my perspective
to change my day
to change my life
to do things and find meaning in them
instead of constantly searching for something meaningful to do
to put in effort to live
rather than to eat drink and simply survive
to attempt to do things with an added drive
to strive to do the best
not so much as to want to be number one
but instead
to try my best 
to lead a more meaningful life that i would want
if i cant make the workload less
i'll simply make the work an enjoyable one
if i feel unhappy
i'll simply try to make the people around me laugh 
sometimes
life is simply just.. 
a life
but to live
is to involve not just oneself
but also to engage with the rest of the world
to not always think of being the best
or to be right on top
or to be the prettiest
or to be the richest
but instead
to live in a society
to be a human
is to interact. to love. to share. to participate. to help. to care. 
in everyone else's lives as well

now that the death of one i loved so much has occurred
it simply makes me regret certain things i have done
certain mean things i have said 
certain things i wish i had retained and never unleashed
but sometimes. 
hurtful words or hurtful thoughts emerge
and from death of her. 
i have learnt that 
we should never wait to tell someone how much we love them
we should never wait for the other person to say sorry first
we should never delay an act of love
we should never assume that there's always tomorrow
if we can afford to bring someone joy
we should do it. right here. right now
there is no need to wait for the next instance
for that next moment may not arrive
and to dear yingying who taught me all these
im quite happy to say that
marie jiejie has done all she has and can do for u before u left
but of cause
because i have had u planned in my life, in my future
sometimes its just hard to realize
that u r gone as an entity on earth
and although i feel like there is a gap in my heart
but. 
come to think of it in another light
it is perhaps not a gap
instead
it is the space in my heart that u have taken. 
with all ur smiles. with all ur nonsense. with all ur innocence. and with all your joy
even though we have had only 16 years together
but i guess
at least 
i had a great sister for those many years:)
muaks! 

like what i have always heard on the radio

"CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE
CHANGE YOUR LIFE"

LEARN TO LOVE
LEARN TO FORGIVE
AND TREAT EACH INDIVIDUAL AS A GOD-SENT GIFT <3 font="">