a foul mouth i may have
where unkind words may pour
where complaints and remarks are made

but a good combi it is when it is paired up with
my puny brain

this concoction of features i have
allows for so many things to slip out
n disappear into thin air.
allows for appeasement within short spans of time.




i would be richer if i stopped drinking so much bubble tea
each week.
i drink an average of 3 cups of milk tea
so one week i spend = $4.50 on bubble tea
so one month i spend $18 on bubble tea
one year. i spend $216 on bubble tea!

so! if i stop drinking it
i'll be $216 richer each year! hooray!
now
how do i stop this craving. haha



perceptions.

one may be laden with work but yet seem like the most lax person ever.
yet
others with the same amount may appear to be crumbling under the workload.
itz all a matter of what your own perception of yourself vis-a-vis others

it sucks to be thought of as the slackest person with work that is always lesser in comparison with the other.
it sucks when ppl dump work on u as though you deserve it cos .. you seem rather free anyway
it sucks when ppl delegate things to you deeming you as the free-est when they never even bothered to ask if you are free.
its always this common assumption that im the slackest person on earth. well. maybe i am. or i hope that i am
realli
itz like wth.

but for this load
even though im quite tired these free days
im willing to take
cos i find it worth it
that its something that surpasses a lot of things

sometimes, when we find that time is never ample,
its not cause time is pathetically short
rather
its more of your choice of what you wan to do in that 24 hours of yours

i admit. im one of those idiots who sometimes complain that i dun have enough time to do my work
when in fact. i think back n realize. how much time i actually had to complete sth. but i simply whiled them away. .

but i know
i never regret good times spent with people i care and love.
even at the expense of my work at times.

today was such a day for instance.
n im glad and happy to have forsaken my stupid essay for it! =)

when you learn to care and love others more than yourself
you come to see that
you can actually in turn be the happiest person without all these self-love.
cos when you make someone happy. somehow .. you just feel more elated than when you pamper yourself.
when you are willing to spend on others.be it time, be it money, only do you realize how everything else seems so cheap and incomparable with the joy you have brought or the smile that is shown.



ATMA ALAM!
hey dairies
the day she followed me to church! HAHAHA!!
at my house downstairs..

before embarking on the tedious task of writing my tourism essay
i dedicate this blog entry to my dearest and bestest fren ever.
even though you are having tons of fun in hk n making new frens n having an experience of a lifetime.. do rem that ppl like me in singapore do miss you a lot!!!!
i miss being pissed off n irritated with u
laughing n talking endlessly once we meet even though we may b so busy with our own lives.. but conversations and words never seem to run out when we meet
even though u r in hk. n im in singapore. even though we are studying in different places etc. somehow.. u just know my frens n i get to know urs too.
n i cant wait to go hk to find my irritating n most hate TSK FREN! chishhhhh
hahha!
wait for me!

n your postcards.. always bring a smile to me!
n btw. MY FATHER SAY UR DENG LI JUN de DENG write wrongly ! lol!
stupid.
but
i appreciate all ur cards. ur gifts every time u come back from hk. n ur gifts r not just for me but for my family also

guess its the away-from-rena -for-too-long syndrome..
dokdok chiang!



HIS
MINE

=)



award me champion sulker or pouter or wadeva
im just good at it.




before i embark on the dark n sorrowful journey of reading tourism readings ..
in my desperate attempt to start the essay .. n finish it up asap
i shall blog to ramble a little
suddenly ..
after wasting my recess week utterly.. which i realli regret now
im piled up with tons of work
not just work. but fyp stuffs.. its quite a bummer .. esp when u dunno what you wan to research on ..
n not only do you not know your research scope and interest. the deadlines are realli throwing out addition stress on you to FORCE you to tink of a topic. to submit the stupid FYP form.
suddenly. i wished i had a gps of 3.75 or lower. so that i can seriously opt out of FYP.

got emcee script to write.. to edit. but yatan is like v busy with his fyp too. so shant bother him too much.. aniwae its almost finished..
den was tinking of future career..
another thing to feel stressed. cos it sucks to have no ambition, no career in mind..
which is why every sem .. i rethink and consider joining NIE. i dun mind.
but like what many worry about. i too worry.
will it be too taxing.. if i break the bond.. im screwed.. will i hate teaching.. etc etc.
so many questions.. but after like the past 3 sems. still no tinkling of an answer.
so .
i decided to go for the talk next monday
to make myself more stressed. my tuitions fall on mon. 5pm-9pm. n wth. how?! how to go for the talk. but still signed up for it aniwae.. hoping that an angel will swoop down to earth n save me. haha.. n take over my tuition classes.
after next week . my stress level will be normal once more.
not its at its peak.

FYP stuffs due this fri.
Tuition stuffs to settle ASAP
Tourism essay to vomit out n conjure out of nothing by latest sun( cos i have no time after that to do )
Emcee script. cos the concert is .. NEXT THURS?
NIE stuffs. cos application closing 31march.
omgomg
KILL ME
BANG

ok
end of rambling n lamenting to the max




time for me to be little miss stress too!
got tons of stuffs to do within this two weeks
emcee script.. yatan! when r u gg to help me? hmpf.. ( i shall do this during tuition .. haha! whilst i give the students a mock english exam paper)
got stupid tourism essay to rite.. up till now. i have tried to NOT do it. cos.. its quite hard to do.. with such a limited area of understanding that our lectures have encompassed, its hard to vomit out words to fill up the essay with sensible stuffs sufficient to get a B+ hahaha!
so. up till now. i haven started. o crap
n den ..
cyber security project also..
o my o my

suddenly like so many things.
why lei? cos .. recess week was realli like a RECESS! hardly studied.. in fact.. i tink i onli studied maybe 2 hours? hahaha!
ok
time to start brainstorming on tourism essay. crapshit. :(



its so sad that there seems to be so much devastation ard the world

so we should count our blessings

that each day. we live our lives like normal

normal. everyday life. is sth we would yearn for if one day situations turn abnormal

live everyday like your last.

live it to the fullest

n hope everyone's little pleas n prayers would help in every little way.






every species is janus faced
every coin has two sides
humans too.

when someone you respect, you love, someone who moulded you into who you are, is also someone whom you fear, that's when your emotions get all tangled and mashed up.

where loud sounds and noises equate to fights, quarrels and unhappiness. That's when you start to jump at the slightest noise. that's when you learn how to fear. and what to fear.

when humans who can be so warm and understanding sudden snap and turn into monsters. that's when you start to suspect and wonder if everyone contains these two sides.

when even humans, the supposedly most intelligent mammals on the earth cant even control their feelings, their words, their anger. that's when you start to fear that. your puppy may bite you one day. or that your hamster might nip your flesh so hard that you cry out in plea.

when you have seen these sides of humans. it is really when the chapter of fear starts to grow and manifests within you.
things that you were never frightened of, now haunt you and scare the shit out of you.

fear never exists suddenly. neither is fear innate.
fear is created.
and usually. this fear that is created can only grow and never be diminished.
perhaps the only day it would shrink a little, would be the day where you found this person. this human. who has one side. who will not turn his/her back on you. who will not break their promises. who will not snap at you. will be able to control their anger because they love you and will not want to hurt you.

Because you hope and believe in love,
you would cross your fingers and pray hard that
the one you love
will not betray your feelings.
will never leave you behind.
because
love encompasses everything. it surrounds you warmly like a thick blanket. insulating you from the hurt and harm from the outside world. protecting you regardless of the harsh situations

when you have encountered things that have pricked open this capsule of fear
it is hard or even impossible to smear off that incident and start anew
because somehow
this fear grows
and
if it cant be diminished.
but one can at least curb it. but definitely not by oneself
one needs the other to reassure them that this fear will not happen again.
a simple word
a simple action
is all one needs to curb this fear
but
how many people would understand
how many would feel the way you feel?
how many ppl would curb this fear for you?









guess what?
i'll be meeting all these idiots over in hongkong!
after a good nite's rest
i always wake up feeling happier
but.. cos i prob slept a lil too long. so still feeling a lil groggy n all
n my finger smells of lucy the stinky dog who dirtied the whole balcony yest n made the whole house smile its horriblest! lol
trying to start on my field notes. but. its rather hard when u have no idea of the format, the stuffs that u nid to have in it etc.
o well!



went to the mint museum of toys yest! not much toys from our era.. too bad the place is a lil small.. but its stil quite a nice museum i guess.. if they put more of OUR ERA TOYS! lol



went to visit the little rascals twice .. on 2 consecutive sats.. they were adorable.. but.. sean misses francis.. cos francis will play rougher games with him etc.. well. i miss francis too!


finally tried the nai huang bao from bugis street.. n its nice! of cos hei se hui's one is nicer. but this is nice n good for a reasonable price! 3 for $2.50! slurpsss!

the new way of kiping lucy from destroying the house
to let her roam onli in the living room.. instead of leeting her run wild ard the whole house.




on a damn random note
i feel like buying this.. but its $28 :(
so sad.. y cant it be $10 ? lolll
i must saveeee
save save save!
to go hk!
sian
but
i love shopping. haha!




tonite
one girl feels sad
she doesnt understand
she doesnt understand how sometimes, her happiness, or her form of relaxation or escapism
can make others upset

she hates it when she makes others upset because of her actions
she hates it when she is the source of this unhappiness
she hates it when . she doesnt know why it upsets in the first place

n to double that sadness n guilt within her
she sees a familiar face at the lift
this face used to tease her, laugh at her, mock her. but this person loves or perhaps, loved her
n she loves him
but
despite pressing the same floor
besides opening the same door
there was nothing else to it
there was no acknowledgment of her presence
no sign of greetings other than from her to him
but yet. these two strangers walked through the same doors that they had walked through for so many years.

she feels this overwhelming sadness
it drowns her

she wants to know why.
how and what she can do to salvage everything
will giving up her interest and distancing from this circle of friends make e other happy?
will giving up anything help salvage the other situation.
if it will
she will be more than willing to.
because
she strongly believes that
what's most important is that
they are happy
because
they mean so much

tonite
this one girl will fall asleep in tears
n awake to a brand new day tomorrow
where
she doesnt know what to expect.
she hopes for the best
but expects the worst yet again.

goodnite :(








when will francis come back...
:(