sometimes
just sometimes. i look at the past
n wonder. 
how did i have such a great family.
to be so close with francis.. we can go shopping.. eating.. together. just the two of us
to have such a close cousin.. that it felt like i had a sister.. 
to go out happily together.. 
its not like i didnt treasure those times or moments or memories with them. i really did and still do.

bt
perhaps
happy things or moments dont last

what issit that happened 
that made my family what it is today
francis no longer comes home
my cousin has passed on
my mum and i r really miserable 
why issit that
when i have the ability to earn $, to bring them out, to be able to treat and buy things for francis.. to be able to pay for a phone for yingying.. to do all these.. 
but yet
i wont have the chance to do so.. 

sometimes
i really wonder..
why did this happen .. 
how can a short span of 2 years 
sever me and francis' close tired till we r almost like strangers now
he doesnt talk to me anymore
he doesnt even look me in the eye
how can things change so drastically
with one brother gone
one cousin gone

will things turn for the better?
dear god. since u took my dearest cousin away from me already
will u pls give my brother back to me and my mum?
thats all i ask of u.. 
is it really too much?
im not asking u to raise yingying from the dead. 
but just
pls. bring francis back to our family. 
thats all i ask for. 










its e saturday blues time
tot of asking u to go out with marie jiejie
but
realized
u were in heaven
n it made me wonder
y did god take u away from earth
away from us.

maybe if there is a good enough reason
den maybe i'll try n accept it :)


OH! its a time-to-count-my-blessings day again!
b4 i start rumbling and grumbling about the sad cum irritating stuffs in life and let it overwhelm me.. 

although i still wish yingying will ..erm.. rise from the dead. i know very well its impossible
but still.
i would like to count my blessings and her blessings.
we are not related by blood in any way. her father and my mother are siblings who were both adopted from different families. but yet. because of that.
we were able to be best of frens. cousins. sisters. mother/daughter for the past 16-17 yrs of life and mine.
although i wish there could be more years ahead. like during my weddings.. when i open my cake shop.. when i have the money to bring her overseas etc. but still
no matter what waves life brings that can tower over the seashore and swallow the creatures on the land, sucking it back into the waters with it.
still. memories remain. physical humans may b gone in a flash but yet. flashbacks nv end. memories will always be there :)
at least i know she's waiting somewhere in heaven for me.. haha
so. 
thanks for all those yrs together!!!

and thanks for my bf. i dunno how he is able to tolerate me.
for my irrritatingness.. noisiness.. always complaining.. always sick.. always lazy.. always so boring 
but still..
omg.. its been many years and counting!!!

and met up with van joo n ting ma.
even though i duno how they tolerate me... BUT! i also dunno how i can tolerate them also
still.. we always meet up
n talk n laugh as though we were still young n retarded.. 
=)

and although i have an extremely sucky colleague at work 
but
thank goodness..
its only ONE.
lol
i hope she is a nice mother and wife outside of work and is the total opposite of the wolf covered with a damn thick sheep skin at work.. 

and... many more thanks. to a lot of things i have. and may not have.
it doesnt mean that the more u have
the happier u will be
neither does it mean that by not owning 
u have nothing
=)
thats life
embrace it!




in every workplace
there is a bitch
someone who doesnt do anything
but complains about you not doing anything
someone who hands over all her unfinished work to e next person
but kicks a big fuss when a person hands things over to her
someone who only helps when people treat her nicely
but yet never treats other in the right way
someone who smiles in front of u
but stabs u hard in the back
someone who pretends you are doing fine
but brings up a fake matter to the boss to show that you suck 
someone who pushes work to others
with the excuse that she has a child to look after 
so you might as well quit and be a housewife right.. 
someone like that
can actually exist in almost every workplace
and sad to say
someone like that
i have to work with

what the hell!
go eat some shit.




some days. in fact. everyday
i wish u were still ard
because with ur innocence
u can heal my mum's heart.